Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Two Years

     This week I have been avoiding my personal Facebook memories like the plague. Two years ago this last week thru next week I was in and out of the hospital. I thought that I was either dying or at the beginning of a horrible illness that would take my life. As I lay in that hospital bed I prayed that God would just let me live long enough that my kids would be teens before I passed.
     That first year was the hardest. I felt like my life had been ripped away from me. I spent countless days unable to do much because I was in so much pain and so dizzy from my low blood pressure. I gained fifty pounds fast from all of the different medications I was on... including steroids. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars on medical trying to find the cause.
     The final thought was that it was caused by a virus. Either I would get better or I wouldn't. There were no answers or hope from the medical community. Still today I know that it could come back and I could loose the life that I have. Which isn't so scary if I never think about it.
     Where am I at now? My blood pressure which was life threateningly low for so long suddenly popped back up to normal. I can feel my skin better than I could at one point. But, not as good as I should. My sense of taste was completely gone for about fourteen months. Now it is mostly back but there is so much that I can't taste. There are so many complex flavors that I may never taste again. My eyes are so dry that I will never be able to wear contacts again and I am fighting still to keep my eyes healthy so that I don't go blind. I have lost twenty of the fifty pounds and I feel confidant that I will loose it all in time. These things are all a small price to pay for life.
     To be honest the thing that bugs me the most is the neuropathy in my feet. In fact my feet get their own paragraph because they have taught me the most. I have empathy for others that I would have never had otherwise. The pain that I still experience some days almost keep me down. But, it dosn't and I still keep going. I was in Costco a few weeks ago. An older women came up behind me limping. The first reaction that I had was an empathetic grimace. I knew the excruciating pain that she must have been in. Sure enough she told the checker that she couldn't unload her things because she was in pain. In the past I think that I would have been critical, maybe even judgmental. Not now.
      Right now in my life I am thankful more than anything else. I am thankful that I get to work and it is doing something that I love. I am thankful that I am here for my kids and husband. I am thankful for the friends and family that have stayed by my side. I am thankful for every single day that I have here on earth. I pray that I never loose that feeling, because I know how quickly that can change.

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