Today is my grandma's birth anniversary, she would have been ninety-three. That means that it has almost been three years since she passed.When people die normally all you hear about is how wonderful they were. There is always some candy coating involved. I guess that goes back to the whole "not speaking ill of the dead" thing. The living relatives not wanting to hinder their chance of a peaceful after life.
My grandma wasn't perfect, in fact if she were here she would be the first to say so. However she had a good heart. She loved her family and prayed for us all every single day. I almost hated to tell her if anything bad or hard was going on. She would almost absorb it. The sadness, fear... the worry. It would drive her to pray harder.
Often now, when I hear about bad things in the world, I think, "wow I am so glad that she isn't here to see that." When things are hard for me I am thankful that she can't see or hear about it. I used to hate the look on her face that she would get when she was worried. It was a far off, deep in thought kind of look.
The relief from missed worry is often over taken by the sadness that I feel on the days where I wish that I could call and tell her good news. The countless times that I wish I could call and let her know that all of the worry and prayers weren't in vain and I am well.
I wish that she could see how good the kids are doing now. How to spite there many challenges they are growing in to good, kind-hearted people. I know that she would be so proud to know about my new job working with children. She would be happy to see how happy my little family is and how almost ten years later the husband and I are going strong.
There is not enough words to ever express just how much she impacted my life. The life lessons that she shared may have been from a different time, but they were still useful today. One of my favorite pieces of grandma advice was, "they are mean, stay away from them." Ha! Every performance, birthday, holiday... every, everything she was there. There are three people who I can safely say had the most impact on my life and she was one of them.
I was there the night that she passed. My mom and I spent hours by her side. When she actually passed it was just her and my mom together...But, I won't dwell on that, because
death is the hardest part of life.
Today, just like every other day, I will pause for the millionth time. I will hope that she can hear me, feel me as I think about her. I hope that she knows just how much she is still loved and how thankful I am to be her granddaughter.
Happy birthday grandma, may your memory be eternal.